Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
