OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
