I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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