He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
