Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize