What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i love accidental penises.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
