I feel like abortions should bother me more
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
