I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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