She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
