well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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