When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
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Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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