so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You are the jesus of drinking
You're breaking my sexual little heart
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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