8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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