you guys were way drunker than both of me
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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