He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
