She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
