I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
