You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
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The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
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I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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