I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
