We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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