im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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