I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
