Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
