Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
