i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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