I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day