at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.