So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo