Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
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Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
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I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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