sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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