Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
