In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
