Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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