theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
