If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
