Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
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My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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