do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
