What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
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just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
foreskin is a definite game changer
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
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The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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