I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Green mimosas i think yes
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
