Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
