i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
