I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.