why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
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I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
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The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica