Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
