Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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