Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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