I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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