you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
