I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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