someone owes me an orgasm
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Randomize
