don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
