Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
