I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize