So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
