I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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