Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize