if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
She's the barista slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize