im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
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You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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