9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
