Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
