have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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