My sheets look like a crime scene.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
