i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
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We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
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I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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