And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
