Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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